Pre-dawn Hush

I woke up at 5 a.m. and slowly descended the stairs in my dark and quiet home. I walked into the kitchen and mindfully fill the coffee carafe with filtered water from the refrigerator. As the carafe fills, I begin with standing grounded on the wood floor.

I imagine I am standing on a wood floor in a yoga studio. As I inhale, I flex my feet and lift up onto the balls of my feet pause for a moment and slowly lower back down onto my heels as I lift my toes on the exhale. A flexing exercise used in yoga to strengthen feet, ankles, calves, engaging my core and using my balance. A moving meditation.

I do this as many times as it takes to fill the carafe to ten cups of coffee. ( Coffee I will share with Rick, when he wakes up. Sharing coffee with each other has been a favorite part of our mornings for decades).

I fill Rosie's water dish with fresh water every morning and then I feed her in the kitchen, and let her outside into the dark. I breathe in the air whatever the temperature of the day is at that time. I listen for the birds.

This morning I am feeling a bit out of sorts in this pre-dawn hush. This time of day carries its own feeling. It is not quite night, not yet morning...a space where things loosen a bit - where thoughts drift and emotions rise without a clear story, and my body has not caught up to the day.

Nothing is wrong.

It is often a time of day where the deeper layers within have a chance to speak - not loudly, not clearly...just presently.

I am feeling a bit untethered as my inner compass gently spins - I am not lost - it just hasn't revealed what direction my day will go.

My world is filled with meaning, memory, and connection that in the quiet of this morning feels - wide. As I need to ground a bit more this morning...I place my left hand on my heart and my right hand on my lower abdomen and breathe. I invite my breath to drop a little deeper than usual. I simply say...

I am here.

I don't need to know yet

what the day has to offer.

This moment is allowed

to be wide

and a bit

untethered.

The pre-dawn is a threshold, a liminal space where I am between states. Clarity has not yet arrived, but I feel the reorganizing beneath the surface.

The dark outside is not empty - it is a period of gestation where I am held before the full light of day arrives.

I hold my warm cup of coffee in my Angel Face Mystic coffee cup. I ground my feet on the floor. Rosie is tucked under the blanket with her head resting on my lap. I stay simple.

I let this be a quiet becoming.

No pushing.

No solving.

This moment is not a problem to be solved. It is giving myself some breathing space inside my life.

As I look down at the lovely cup in my hands that I created. I am honoring my voice and my writing with presence and recognition. It is part of my living prayer.

Not imagined.

Not hoped for.

Lived.

My hands wrapped around my cup with my logo on it - is not just coffee. It is self-recognition made tangible. I created now I drink from it. I am embodying my voice and holding it lovingly in my hands in the stillness of the pre-dawn darkness. I no longer seek my voice I am honoring it.

Warm cup...soft breath...gentle weight of Rosie's head nestled on my lap. My soul says, stay here. This is a sacred moment that is enough. I will not rush past it. I honor my voice not by searching for it, but holding it, warming it, and living it.

"I am here, and I matter in my own life."

That is not small. That is everything.